Are YOU stuck in a love triangle? Relationship expert reveals the dos and don’t of getting out of the toxic situation – and says an ultimatum is NOT the answer
A relationship expert has explained how love triangles can emerge within even the most loving partnerships – and the steps you can take to extract yourself from one.
Tina Wilson, a UK-based expert and founder of dating app Wingman, explained love triangles occur when feelings spiral out of control.
‘It’s important to realise that a complex love situation isn’t something that someone plans to put into action, but rather it’s the fall out of emotional situations that span out of control,’ 她告诉 FEMAIL.
‘Most people will find themselves involved in this dilemma at some point in their lives. Matters of the heart are not always straightforward.’
Tina said there are two different kind of love triangles. ‘Most commonly the situation will be set with two people competing for the love of the third person at the same time,’ 她说.
‘But the term can also be linked to a polyamorous relationship, where three people are all involved with each other.
‘Being in the most common love triangle will be a highly charged rollercoaster ride and will involve emotional turmoil for each person involved. Untangling a love triangle won’t be an easy or quick task, so its key to see if it’s something you really want to put energy into.’
这里, Tina shares her advice with FEMAIL…
Tina Wilson, a UK-based expert and founder of dating app Wingman, explained love triangles occur when feelings spiral out of control. 库存图片
How to disentangle a love triangle
How you handle the situation will depend on where you find yourself in the love triangle. But one thing is common, wherever you find yourself, you must ask yourself, ‘What do I want?’
Depending on how you sit within a love triangle will alter the experience but it’s not a nice ride for anyone.
To find out that your partner or date even wants to be romantically involved with someone else is hurtful for the heart and also the ego.
Whether the relationship is physical or not, it signals they are ‘unfilled’ in their current relationship with you and although it’s likely nothing to do with you, and it’s to do with their own issues, you can feel extremely emotionally attacked and if you are in a serious relationship, just finding this is out can be a devastating blow.
或者, you may be the person seeing someone behind your partner’s back, or even wanting to seek romance with another person who is already with someone.
No matter where you sit, an imbalanced love triangle is not sustainable, and you should work to take steps to end it.
The dos and don’ts on how to end a love triangle
Don’t lash out. It’s easy to react emotionally when you discover your partner is looking elsewhere, but it’s important for you to figure out how you feel before you lash out. Make sure you get all the facts you can before blurting something out.
Don’t give an ultimatum as they aren’t always the answer. Don’t immediately throw out an ultimatum of ‘its them or me’ rather look at the reasons why your relationship is here and ask yourself if this is something you really want to fight for. Just because they choose you today, doesn’t mean they would choose you tomorrow and you don’t want to put yourself in a bad cycle, so if you are going to offer an ultimatum, you have to really be ready to stick to it.
Don’t allow your partner to call all the shots. No matter if you are the chaser or the one being chased do not let your partner call the shots. You are important in the relationship and feeling out of control will only be exasperated by your partner driving what happens. Know your self-worth and boundaries.
Don’t drag out the decision by going back and forth. It is wise to consider your position and feelings, 然而, don’t give false hope to your partner by not being up front and indecisive. If you get back together but things aren’t right, you will end up splitting up anyway so communicate honestly so each party can move on if you decide you can’t move past things.
Don’t try and have your cake and eat it. If the love triangle is something that you have created, it’s logical to want to see where both options can go, but this could wind up with you having zero options the longer you play both sides. Having an emotional connection and even a sexual chemistry with someone other than your partner is not unusual, but it’s how you react to those feelings that is most important
Confide in a friend. If you find yourself thrown into a love triangle it is easy to jump into the drama, but it’s key to get your ducks in a row before blowing anything up. Surround yourself with a trusted friend or family member to talk it through with and get some context aside from just how you feel.
Know what your options are. It’s key for you to feel emotionally stable before making any lasting decisions, so be logical and force yourself to list out the pros and cons of your relationship and your options. Being mentally prepared for any outcome will provide you with an inner confidence, knowing that whatever happens, you will be ok.
Don’t fight for something you don’t really want. Being rejected feels awful but its key to figure out if you are just reacting to a hurt ego, or if it’s an emotional heartache.
Try and distract yourself. Take some time out by distracting yourself temporarily. The best way to plot your next move is to take a different perspective. Thinking clearly and objectively is the key to sound decision-making. Be smart about it and don’t be hasty over a potentially life changing decision. Take a spa day or a shopping trip to clear your head.
Be kind to yourself and true to what you want. It’s easy to absorb external opinions from friends and family but this is your life so don’t judge yourself too harshly. No-one knows what they would do in a situation and cannot predict it, so don’t behave in a way just because it’s expected of you. Make sure you take your time to process it for yourself.
Talk it through with someone you trust and then rip of the Band Aid and do it. Whilst it will be messy for the short-term if you are holding back a person for an option it’s unfair to them, so whilst they may be upset, it could be the best thing to happen for them and will allow them to find their worthy match.