Avicii’s tragic diary entries reveal the demons that haunted the star before his suicide at 28… including rants about his pain, ‘depressing’ vacations in hospital and his fear of sobriety
Late star Avicii’s diary entries have shed light on the heartbreaking demons he faced before taking his own life in April 2018.
His journal entries have been included in Måns Mosesson’s upcoming book, Tim – The Official Biography of Avicii, which is due for release next month, and depict how the star, real name Tim Bergling, dealt with his substance abuse battles.
Måns spoke to his parents, Anki and Klas Bergling, family, friends, exes, peers and colleagues about the star to piece together his life story.
The diary entries come from his various rehab and hospital stints for drink and drug addiction, before he died by suicide during a holiday with friends in Oman on 20 April 2018, aged 28 – two years after stepping away from the spotlight.
Pained: Late star Avicii’s diary entries have shed light on the heartbreaking demons he faced before taking his own life in April 2018 (pictured in 2013)
Wake Me Up artist Avicii shot to worldwide fame in 2011 with his song Levels yet he stopped touring in 2016 following a battle with alcohol and opioid addiction.
His prescription pain killer addiction stemmed from a then 22-year-old Avicii, being rushed to hospital in January 2012 after developing agonising pancreatitis – caused by excessive drinking and acne medication.
Doctors strongly advised he stay sober for at least six months and cut out junk food, otherwise his stomach would become inflamed again and not heal – leading to the possibility of suffering chronic pain for the rest of his life.
It was here he began writing his journals – admitting he enjoyed this time.
Pained: His journal entries have been included in Måns Mosesson’s upcoming book, Tim – The Official Biography of Avicii, which is due for release next month, and depict how the star, real name Tim Bergling, dealt with his substance abuse battles
He penned: ‘I had a hard time accepting never drinking again though strongly suggested from all doctors to wait at least a year before even having a beer…
‘Of course, I didn’t listen to the majority of the doctors, I listened to the couple who said it was ok if I was careful. I was ignorant and naive and touring the world, still on the never-ending tour – because once you’ve circled it once, guess what?…
‘You start right back over again. Those days in hospital were the most anxiety and stress-free days I can remember the past 6 years, those were my true vacations, as depressing as it might sound…
‘The relief of going from extreme pain to none, knowing that no one is expecting anything other than for you to wait it out (which is the only way of treating pancreatitis) and then recover was huge. It was an extreme relief considering the insane schedule I had kept up until that point.’
Shock: Wake Me Up artist Avicii shot to worldwide fame in 2011 with his song Levels yet he stopped touring in 2016 following a battle with alcohol and opioid addiction
AVICII: A timeline of his struggles
HIGH SCHOOL: Tries his first joint and fears he has developed psychosis. A trip to a child psychologist quashes fears.
January 2012: The star, then 22, is rushed to hospital after developing agonising pancreatitis – caused by excessive drinking and acne medication.
February 2013: He is hospitalised again after flying to Australia and being left in serious pain when his pancreas became inflammed again and was told to have his gall bladder removed. He refused the operation in favour of honouring his jam-packed schedule.
2014: Avicii is hospitalised for a third time with a ruptured appendix. He is forced to undergo the gallbladder surgery.
2014: His family in Sweden attempt to wean him off his reliance on prescription painkillers spawning from his various hospitalisations. He escapes to LA and finds a private doctor to carry on prescribing the drugs.
Winter 2014: Back to back hospitalisations come when he needs his stomach pumped for drinking alcohol and consuming pills, including muscle relaxants and panic attack medication.
Summer 2015: His family stage an intervention after the DJ continues to fall into the grasps of crippling opioid addiction. A stay at the $13,400 per week Ibiza Calm rehab facility seems to work.
Spring 2016: After performing at Miami’s Ultra Music Festival in March, he decided his stage days were over and he will no longer perform live due to the strain of live performances exacerbating his problems.
August 2016: Avicii performed his final ever stage show.
2017: In the documentary Avicii: True Stories, the musician admits he has grown reliant on alcohol – using substances to calm his nerves.
April 2018: Avicii travels to Oman for a meditation retreat with a friend, however his mental state begins to deteriorate. He takes his own life.
In 2015, after an intervention from his family, the star went to stay at the $13,400 per week Ibiza Calm rehab facility where he chronicled his time in his diary.
He wrote: ‘It needed to be explained to me very logically and caveman-esque for me to truly understand its nature and how it was harming me. Ouch, pain. Why me pain now? Uncomfortable feeling…
‘Future Tim deal with pain. Future Tim deal with pain better than present Tim because already there’s too many present pains more urgent to deal with.’
In April 2018, Avicii travelled with a friend to to Oman, before which he messaged a friend discussing his ventures into meditation.
The DJ was only 21 when he shot to fame in 2011, and turned to drinking to cope with fame and the party lifestyle (pictured at the Summerburst festival in May 2015)
After battling against his demons, he turned to meditation, focusing heavily on the works of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi – who teaches that one could reach the deepest state of consciousness, or enlightenment, and there would be no more suffering.
Maharishi’s teachings state this level of ‘cosmic consciousness’ could be achieved in five to eight years’, yet Avicii wanted to reach this level quicker so was meditating for hours at a time – rather than the suggested 20 minutes.
He wrote: ‘It feels like I am in a new default mode of being which is very new and a little bit scary. It felt like the fears the last couple of days caused havoc in me, but I remember the tip to focus on my breathing.’
Pains: On April 19, a fellow traveller Avicii had met on the trip contacted his father to express concern over the star’s meditation practices
On April 19, a fellow traveller Avicii had met on the trip contacted his father to express concern over the star’s meditation practices.
He said the star was crying, not speaking, refusing to eat and sitting in the blistering son. He later called Klas to tell him the star had taken his own life.
Final messages from the star saw his tortured outlook, including a message reading: ‘The shedding of the soul is the last attachment, before it restarts!’
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