Singleton doesn't want to have a second phone call before date

Singleton who doesn’t want to ‘invest time’ in a second phone call before her first date with a man she matched with online divides opinion – as some say refusing will be a good way to test if he’s ‘needy’

  • A British woman shared her ‘weird’ experience with a man she met online
  • Posting on Mumsnet, explained man has asked for a second call before their date
  • Admits would rather spend her evening relaxing than hours ‘pointless’ talking
  • Responses urged woman not to invest too much time and energy into a stranger 
  • A woman who arranged to meet a man from an online dating site after having just one phone call, has admitted that she would rather not to have any more calls until they meet for their first date.

    The singleton, who lives in the UK, explained that she has spent at least an hour on the phone to a man she met online ahead of a planned weekend date, but he then  

    Having been asked to have another phone call, she said it’s ‘totally pointless’ to keep having long conversations before they meet in person and admitted that she would rather spend her spare time relaxing.  

    Many Mumsnet users advised the woman not to have another phone call because she could get too ’emotionally invested’ before they meet, but others revealed they prefer a lot of communication to avoid wasting their time going on dates with someone they don’t get on well with. 

    A woman, who lives in the UK, has admitted that she prefers not to have more than one phone call before meeting a man from a dating website (stock image)

    A woman, who lives in the UK, has admitted that she prefers not to have more than one phone call before meeting a man from a dating website (stock image) 

    Posting on Mumsnet, the woman admitted to feeling that it is 'totally pointless' to spend hours on the phone before meeting in person

    Posting on Mumsnet, the woman admitted to feeling that it is ‘totally pointless’ to spend hours on the phone before meeting in person 

    The woman admitted she’s torn over what to think about the man’s interest in frequent communication.

    She asked for opinions, saying: ‘I have a date set up with a guy on Saturday. He asked for a phone call prior to the date – fine. Not what I usually do but was happy to have a convo to see if we “vibed” over the phone.

    ‘We were on the phone for an hour or so on Sunday night and set up the date. He’s now asked if we can have another chat tonight. Is this odd?

    ‘I have nothing against him per se, but it just seems like a totally pointless exercise to spend hours on the phone prior to actually meeting as that’s really the only way you can tell if you want to see them more or not.

    ‘My evenings are important to me as I have little time to relax and I would just rather wait until we meet now. Am I being unreasonable and should I just be happy this guy is making an effort, or is it a little weird?’

    Many responses to the post reassured the woman that she is right not to want to spend too much time talking to the man before she meets in person.

    One person wrote: ‘The morning texting super chatty and keen ones end up to be ghosters. You’re right not to get too involved at this stage. perfectly fine to say no. I’d just respond with sorry, is a long day for me, let’s leave lots to chat about on Saturday.’

    Another said: ‘Honestly, I’d be wary of investing emotional time before you’ve met in person – until you actually meet the person, you don’t know if there’s any potential connection.

    A stream of responses to the post urged the woman not to get too emotionally invested before meeting in person and claimed chatty men often ghost

    A stream of responses to the post urged the woman not to get too emotionally invested before meeting in person and claimed chatty men often ghost

    ‘Sounds to me like’s after an early start on the “girlfriend experience”, or potentially dirty talk. Either way, you’ll feel icky afterwards if you meet him and really don’t vibe in person at all.’ 

    A third added: ‘Just say no? They say you can tell a lot about a man by his reaction to you saying no to something small early on. This might be a good chance and save you the price of the date.’ 

    Others claimed they enjoyed having long conversations with their online matches before meeting in person and have since formed lasting relationships.  

    ‘I chatted on the phone a few times before meeting, I don’t know what is odd about that. My partner was so convinced he actually came off OLD before our first in person date! Seems odd you are rationing phone calls if you actually want to meet, ‘ one wrote.

    Another said: ‘We are all different. I need a lot of contact before meeting because I need to get to know as a person before meeting. Anyone I dated I spoke quite a bit on the phone for weeks before meeting. 

    Other responses to the thread said they prefer having lots of conversations to avoid meeting time wasters

    Other responses to the thread said they prefer having lots of conversations to avoid meeting time wasters 

    ‘I didn’t want to meet who Imy boyfriend  met online for about a month and we spoke a lot before meeting. It had to be like that for me because the few guys I did meet without having spend a considerable amount taking before I just felt no connection so it was a waste of time.’

    Urging the woman to speak to the man, a third commented: ‘I would just say you are up for a quick chat. I would be pleased he liked to actually talk on the phone. 

    ‘Be glad that this is his style of communication as texts can be misread. You don’t have to chat for long, just tell him you can chat for five minutes as you have made plans to chill on your own tonight.’