Soapwatch: JACI STEPHEN's ultimate insight into the week's soaps

Soapwatch: JACI STEPHEN’s ultimate insight into the week’s soaps

  • Peter punches the surgeon who rushed his liver transplant for a bet in Corrie
  • This week Eastenders Kim Medcalf returns as Sam, revealing Jonah’s plans
  • There could be another gun story for Emmerdale and this time  it could be Noah 
  • CORONATION STREET: THIS IS GOING TO HURT, DOC…

    Aggie must be the most underworked nurse in the country. Does she ever meet any patients, apart from those from Weatherfield, who always, miraculously, manage to find an empty bed?

    She’s never stressed, probably needs sat nav to find the medicine cabinet, and even found time to fantasise about her new boss, Mr Thorne. 

    It didn’t take long for all that to go south when Aggie found out that he’d rushed Peter’s liver transplant operation for a bet. 

    Now Peter has heard about this, he’s on the warpath and after tracking down Mr Thorne in a restaurant loses his temper and punches the surgeon. 

    In Coronation Street Peter is arrested after punching the surgeon who performed his liver transplant when he finds out he rushed it for a bet

    In Coronation Street Peter is arrested after punching the surgeon who performed his liver transplant when he finds out he rushed it for a bet

    Shoulda left it, Peter. The police arrive, arrest him on suspicion of assault, and he’s charged at the station. 

    A Coup For Corrie 

    Viewers will recognise Corrie’s Dominic Mafham – Aggie’s new boss Mr Thorne (above left, with Peter) – as Grantchester’s St John Gurney-Clifford and Charles Kruger from Killing Eve. 

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    That has to be the quickest action in the history of the Weatherfield force. 

    How did they even find the restaurant, given that nobody ever goes anywhere other than the Bistro – which has been filling up of late, by the way. 

    There are now extras sitting in the booths, so finally the main characters have a valid reason to choose the same table smack bang in the middle of the restaurant, leaving all the best seats empty, as they usually do. 

    Peter’s not going to let it go and asks the Gazette to run an article about Mr Thorne’s unethical practices. 

    Good luck with that. 

    The last big story they wanted to run was about Nicky’s sordid ‘escort’ past; despite tracking her down, they still ended up with something about a tree/car park/paint drying (I forget which; it was so tedious) on the front page. 

    Humour has returned to the show (finally, after a long period of mostly dull storylines), and Kirk’s new role as Extra Office Administrator has been a riot; likewise, George’s snoring. 

    Just hurry up and halt all this endless wittering on about Abi and drooogs. 

    When she manages to turn the tables on Ben and films him buying drooogs, will he admit to having lied when she threatens him with the police? Enough, now!

    EASTENDERS

    The return of the fabulous Kim Medcalf as Sam is a great injection of life into the female cast. When she, Kat and Sharon are together, it’s like watching the three witches in Macbeth, albeit on less friendly terms. 

    Kim Medcalf (pictured) returns as Sam injecting life into the female cast. She hijacks Kat's prison visit to Phil revealing Jonah's plans to buy Ruby's

    Kim Medcalf (pictured) returns as Sam injecting life into the female cast. She hijacks Kat’s prison visit to Phil revealing Jonah’s plans to buy Ruby’s

    After hijacking Kat’s prison visit to Phil, Sam reveals Jonah is planning to buy Ruby’s and they should jump in first.

    So who blew the budget?

    Has the £86.7 million spent on the new EastEnders set wiped out the costume and interiors budgets? Whitney’s fake fur waistcoat makes her look as if she’s had a run-in with a moose; Kim, with her jaundice-coloured jacket and red hair, looks as if she’s burst a blood vessel. As for the interiors, Rainie’s place has one wall papered with green, yellow and red, another one dark pink, and another light pink. It’s as if a deranged Kirstie Allsopp has been let loose with a tin of Dulux on Love It Or List It. 

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    Alas, she misses the meeting with Ruby’s lawyers when her ex dumps all her belongings in the street. 

    Have you ever seen so much stuff? And where’s it all going to go? By the look of it, the allotment would be the best place for it – six feet under the cabbage patch. 

    By the time she gets to Ruby’s, it’s too late: Jonah has bought it. 

    Why? Does he not know there are never more than a dozen people in there? What will the new name be? 

    Maybe Jonah’s Whale of a Time (geddit?). 

    Ben’s still wandering the streets doing his mob boss imitation, but why hasn’t he been caught?

     Corrie’s Craig would have nailed his crimes in two minutes flat. 

    From where does Linda (yes, still drinking) buy those handbags that hold such huge bottles, by the way? 

    Mine could barely manage a miniature. 

    EMMERDALE: A HOODED KILLER? AT LEAST IT CAN’T BE MEENA…

    Obviously, it was another quiet day at the office when someone said, ‘I know! Let’s do another gun story; we haven’t had one of them for, ooh, weeks.’ 

    So, with Meena banged up and her gun presumably back in the props cupboard, along comes a shooting in the woods. 

    The gunshot is a flashforward in a special week of episodes that sees Noah escalate his stalking of Chloe. The penny drops after she comes across her lost keys and, when she confronts him, he becomes aggressive and attempts to trap her in the house. 

    In Emmerdale Noah's (pictured) stalking of Chloe escalates. He becomes aggressive and attempts to trap her in the house

    In Emmerdale Noah’s (pictured) stalking of Chloe escalates. He becomes aggressive and attempts to trap her in the house

    What will Charity make of it all when she walks in on her wayward son? Let’s hope she’s not holding a gun. 

    So, back to the woods. Gabby fears that Jamie is hanging around – ready and waiting to snatch Thomas – when she checks the CCTV and spots a hooded figure lurking in said woods. 

    Jamie was always a bit of a lurker, though – he constantly has the look of a slightly nervous bank robber, hovering around every pillar and post at Home Farm – but is Mr Hoodie him? The hoodies, by the way, are clearly kept in the same props cupboard as the guns and this one, I suspect, is Meena’s, enjoying another outing. 

    Wednesday’s episode sees a return to the shot; but who is the lifeless body? Asking as I have my own hit list.